YOU LEFT ME SPEECHLESS O.O!!!!

I WANTED TO WRITE SOMETHING HERE.

BUT...

AFTER WHAT I JUST POSTED...

I BECAME OVER-EMOTIONAL.

HOPE YOU'LL UNDERSTAND.

-----MICHAEL LERKOFF-----

CONFIDENTIAL DATA ABOUT THE WEISS TEST!!!!

SO MY BOYFRIEND TOLD ME MORE ABOUT THE WEISS TEST III
SO HE SAID.

"I HAD TO MAKE SOME MATH"

"WHAT THEY ASKED YOU?"

"TWO THIRDS OF X IS 400, WHAT IS X?"

"LIKE THAT???" I ASKED.

"NO. IT WAS LIKE """THIS FURNITURE COSTED 400, BUT THEY PAID 2/3, WHAT WAS THE TOTAL PRICE???"""

"AH... WHAT YOU SAID?"

"C'MON. THAT WAS EASY. 600!"

"AND A DIFFICULT???" I ASKED FOR CURIOSITY. I REMEMBERED ALSO THE MOVIE """FAST & CURIOUS 6""" OPENED THIS YEAR. OR WAS IT THE NUMBER 5??? O.o

"A DIFFICULT. HEAR THIS. THIS T-SHIRT COSTS 60 BUT HAS A 15% OFF. HOW MUCH DOES IT COST WITH THAT PERCENT OFF???"

"OH... I... DUNNO..."

"WELL, LOOK. IF I WAS TOLD THE 16.6 PERIODIC PERCENT, THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN EASY, AS THE 16,6 PERIODIC PERCENT IS 1/6"

"I KNOW THAT"

"WAS A TRICKY QUESTION, RIGHT? WELL... I THOUGHT ABOUT THAT AND THEN I THOUGHT ---WAIT A MINUTE. THE 15% OF 60 IS THE TEN PERCENT OF SIXTY PLUS ITS HALF. THAT'S 6 PLUS 3. IT'S 9 OFF. ANSWER: 51"

"YOU DID IT THAT FAST???"

"NO, FASTER. I TOLD YOU ALL THAT. BUT THOUGHT HAS THE SPEED OF LIGHT. SO I MADE THAT MATH FASTER"

"WHAT???" I SAID SURPRISED... "I..." AND THEN I THOUGHT SOME MORE AND SAID "HOW CAN A 16.6 PERIOD PERCENT CAN BE EASIER TO CALCULATE IR ITS A PERIODIC NUMBER???? YOU CAN EXPLAIN, PLEASEEE????"

"EASY, MIKE. IT HAS TO BE A MULTIPLE OF SIX. JUS THAT"

MY PUPILS BECAME BIGGER THAN DISHES.

AND MY CUB COVERED MY MOUTH AND SAID.

"DON'T SAY IT MIKE" HIS EYES WENT BRILLIANT, AND HE UNCOVERED MY MOUTH.

"SAY WHAT?!"

"WHAT YOU WERE GOING TO SAY... DON'T..."

"WHY? WHAT???"

"YOU WERE GOING TO SAY NOW YOU LOVE ME MORE CAUSE I CAN DO MATH, RIGHT?"

"YOU DID NOT WANT TO HEAR THAT BECAUSE....????"

"BECAUSE I THOUGH I WOULD NEVER FALL IN LOVE. AT SOME POINT WE REALIZED WE WERE IN LOVE. AND THEN WE FELL MORE AND REALIZED WE LOVED EACH OTHER BEYOND LOVE. NOW WE LOVE EACH OTHER BEYOND THAT???"

"SEEMS TO ME YOU'RE WORRIED???"

"YOU DON'SEE WHAT WE'VE DONE??? FOLLOWING THE WHITE RABBIT WE ARE NOW SO FAR AWAY. WE`RE GONNA MAKE SUCH FOOLS..."

"DON'T SAY THAT"

"LOVE IS DANGEROUS MIKE"

"I LIKE THAT THRILL"

"I DO TOO, MIKE. BUT SAY THAT TO ROMEO AND JULIET... OR ANAKIN SKYWALKER AND PADME AMIDALA... OR TO ANNA KARENINA... OR... TO THE BRIDE AND BILL... THE LIST IS SO LONG..."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN?"

"I DON'T KNOW. AND WE ALL HAVE FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN..."

SO WHAT YOU'RE TOLD IN CHILE ABOUT YOUR WORK???

I ASKED.

"WELL, IF I'M TOLD SOMETHING. IT'S LIKE THEY SEE MY WORK AND WALK THROUGH IT... TT_TT" SAID MY BOYFRIEND.

"I STILL DON'T GET THAT"

"WELL, SOMETIMES I'VE BEEN TOLD: """YEAH, OH, THAT'S ---OIL--- EXCUSE ME, YOUR PAINTING IS BOTHERING ME AND I'M IN A BRIEF, BUT YOU KNOW... I DON'T LIKE THAT COLOUR IN THE CORNER... YOU SHOULD CHANGE THAT"

"THEY COMMAND?"

"THEY DON'T THINK. THAT'S DIFFERENT. WELL... YOU KNOW??? TT_TT THAT IS JUST... SO HURTING AND FRUSTRATING TT_TT !!!"

"YOU'LL CRY???"

"NO... ---SIGH---. BUT I ENTER A GALLERY AND I SEE THE CRAP THEY SHOW HERE AND I DON'T WANNA BE ONE OF THOSE GUYS... TT_TT"

"DON'T YOU... DON'T CRY, CUB"

"IT'S JUST... THIS THINGS JUST HAPPEN TO ME!!! NEVER IN HISTORY OF ART A CHILEAN ARTIST HAS BEEN IGNORED THIS WAY!!! TT_TT I'M CURSED!!! ---SNIF---"

"YYYEEEEAH----"

"IT'S ... TT_TT... I MAKE THE EFFORT TO PAINT THE BEST I CAN TT_TT. THEY COULD SAY COLDLY """I LIKE IT""", BUT NO, THEY HAVE TO SAY IT'S WRONG MADE??? TT_TT"

"STOP CRYING!!!"

"I'M CHILEAN!!! CHILE IS MY COUNTRY! AND... IT HURTS SO MUCH I THINK... THEY MAKE ME THINK I VALUE MUSHROOOM TT_TT"

"STOP CRYING, CUB, I'LL NEED A SHOWER TOWELL TO CLEAN THE FLOOR!!!"

"IT'S LIKE... TT_TT WHY ME=? ONLY ME? IN CHILEAN HISTORY OF AR???? WHAT IS JUST WRONG WITH ME??? TT_TT"

THE HELL... HOW I FIX THIS MESS!!!

"SO.. IF THEY.. JUSTA.  LIKADMA WOR I ..... TT_TT SNIFFF"

"LOOK. I'LL MAKE MILO. AND WE'LL DRINK IT... HOW ABOUT IT???"

"I DON'T KNOWWWW --- TT_TT --- I CAN'T KEEP THINKING ABOUT IT AND QUESTIONING MYSELF TT_TT AND IF I HAVE SOME TALENT OR NOT!!! TT_TT"

"WE CAN SEE THE HUNGER GAMES..."

"THE... WHAT? YEAH!!! LET'S SEE IT"

ALL AND ALL. ANOTHER BRICK IN THE WALL.

AN OLD UGLY FAT BEAR TRIED TO TALK TO MY BOYFRIEND!!!!

"YOU KNOW???" SAID THE DREAM OF MY DREAMS, FIRE OF MY LOINS, MY LOVE, MY SIN... "AN UGLY OLD BEAR MADE A LAME EFFORT TO TRY TO SPEAK TO ME... I'M CLUELESS... WELL IT WAS SOOOO LAME, I'M SURE THAT WAS """HIS""" BEST EFFORT"

"WHAT YOU DID 'BOUT IT???" I ASKED CURIOUS.

"IGNORE HIM. HE WAS OLD UGLY FAT CLUMSY STUPID LAME, HUMAN... NO THANKS!"

"SO ALL PEOPLE HAVE TO BE: MUTANT, FAIRY OR VAMPS FOR YOU TO CONSIDER IR?????"

"KINDA... BUT... NOT NECESARILLY. BUT LAME. NO"

"SO WHAT HE SAID"

"WELL THERE WAS AN OLD WOMAN TOO, I THINK SHE HAD HIS AGE... STONE AGE IN THIS CASE... YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN??? SO THE GUY WAS TALKING TO ME, BUT MOVING HIS BODY TOWARDS THE OLD WOMAN..."

"WHAT IF HE WAS NERVOUS...????"

"HE WAS... OBVIOUSLY. BUT THAT HE DID WAS LAME AND THEN HE BECAME LAMER AND THEN LAMEST. PLUS I CAN TELL BY HIS LOOK HE THOUGHT I WAS A... I WAS A... I WAS A... OH... I'M DIZZY!"

"A BOTTOM..."

"DON'T SAY THAT WORD!!! HE CLEARLY DID NOT SEE MY BODY MASS, NOR MY OVER DEVELOPED CHARACTER... GUESS HE WAS ONLY THINKING IN HIS..."

"DICK...?"

WELL THIS IS THE AWKWARD MOMENT EVERYONE WONDERS HOW TWO TOP MEN DO IT. WELL: HERE THE ANSWER: WE'RE IN LOVE!!!!

"HE SAID AT ONE MOMENT HI WAS DOCTOR IN ---ARCHITECTURE???--- LIKE IT WAS A COOL THING TO SAY. PLUS HE WAS SMOKING ONE OF THOSE HUGE CIGARS FROM CUBA, THE BROWN ONES... I HAD TO MAKE A GREAT EFFORT TO NOT PLAINLY PUKE!"

"AND...?" I ASKED.

"HE WAS MID-BALD, UGLY.... AND ALL THAT I ALREADY SAID, PLUS STUPID AND HAD NO BUTT... AND AN ---I WANT TO BE KINKY--- LOOK IN HIS EYES. GUESS HE HAD THE LOTTERY ACCUMULATED"

"WHY YOU'RE TELLING ME THIS"

"BECAUSE TT_TT ... I NEED A HUG!!!"

"ALRIGHT!"

WHY HE TOLD ME THIS? WHY I WROTE IT? WHO AM I?
THAT'S A LITTLE SECRET I'LL NEVER TELL.
YOU KNOW YOU LOVE ME.
XOXO.
GOSSIP BOY.

THE PSICHOLOGICAL PROFILE OF MY BOYFRIEND!!!!

WELL THIS SONG IS JUST AWESOME.

WANT TO BE JAMES BOND READY TO DIE ANOTHER DAY!!!

 

WELL HE'S NOT A GIRL NOT BLONDE

BUT THE HELL!!!

 

WHAT A GREAT DESCRIPTION!!!

 

o.O

 

HOPE YOU LIKE IT

FIRE OF MY LOINS

<3

SO... WE ARGUED!!!!

"YOU HAD TO POST THAT CECILIA BOLOCCO PAINTING ON YOUR BLOG???!!!"
I ASKED.

"WELL, YOU TOLD ME TO MAKE THAT BLOG. WITH A GUN IN MY HEAD OR SOMETHING LIKE IT" THE BEAR CUB ANSWERED LIKE NOTHING WRONG WAS GOING ON.

"YOU CAN'T DO THAT!!!" I EXCLAIMED.

"I CAN. ACTUALLY I JUST DID. I DON'T SEE WHAT YOU GET ANGRY. I NEEDED TO DO THAT. LIKE AN ART EXPRESSION. YOU KNOW. I NEEDED TO TAKE THAT OUT OF ME THROUGH ART. THAT PAINTING LOOKS GOOD TO BE EXPRESSIONIST, YOU KNOW???"

"NOW NOBODY FROM CHILE WILL WANT TO SEE YOUR WORK" I INSISTED.

"LOOK. NOBODY FROM CHILE NEVER WANTED TO SEE MY WORK, THEY DON'T WANT NOW, AND THEY WILL NEVER WANT IN THE FUTURE, SO... WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE???"

"I DUNNO. YOU SHOULD HAVE ASKED ME FIRST" I TRIED TO REASON WITH THE MONSTER.

"YEAH. I THOUGHT ABOUT IT. BUT I KNEW YOU WOULD NOT LIKE THE IDEA AS THIS CONVERSATION DEMONSTRATES I WAR RIGHT ABOUT THAT..." SAID THE CUB FROWNING UP AND MAKING THAT ---I DID NOT PUT THE FOOT---- FACE.

"YOU..."

"LOOK MIKE. THIS IS YOUR ACCOUNT. MY BLOG IS IN YOUR ACCOUNT. SO YOU CAN ERASE ANYTHING WHENEVER YOU WANT" SAID MY BOYFRIEND WITH A COLD SWEET SMILE THAT SCARED ME MORE THAN THE HOSTEL WE SAW THE OTHER DAY...

"YES" I SAID "BUT IF I INTEFERE WITH YOUR BLOG YOU WON'T LIKE IT. AND AS I WANT TO KEEP MY HEAD OVER MY SHOULDERS..."

"WE STILL CAN TALK ABOUT IT" SAID THE CUB WITH A WARM SMILE. "TELL ME THREE TIMES TO ERASE THAT POST, AND I WILL..."

"WHAT???" OH NO. THIS IS A DEJA-VU THE KIND I DON'T LIKE "WHAT? NO..."

"JUST SAY IT. THREE TIMES. C'MON. IT'S NOT THAT DIFFICULT... THREE TIMES... CAN YOU TRY???? " SAID THE CUB IN THAT MELODY TONE THAT WOULD SCARE DEATH FROM FINAL DESTINATION...

"NO, I WON'T... LET ME SEE... COULD YOU...? I MEAN... YOU COULD... I MEAN... ERASE PLEASE...? " AND I STOOD STILL "I CAN'T SAY THAT EVEN ONCE!!!"

"WELL THEN IT'S DECIDED. THE POST WILL STAY THERE. IT'S GOOD WE CAN TALK ABOUT IT AND TAKE DECISIONS TOGETHER..."

"YES... YOU CUB!!!"

SO GUESS THE POST ABOUT CECILIA BOLOCCO WILL STAY THERE. NOTHING TO DO ABOUT IT.

WHY I TALKED TO MY BOYFRIEND? WHY I WROTE THIS? WHO AM I?
THAT'S A LITTLE SECRET I'LL NEVER TELL.
YOU KNOW YOU LOVE ME.
XOXO.
GOSSIP BOY.

"KINKY" SECRET MEANING!!!!

KINKY:

WORLDWIDE DEFINITION:

A MUSIC BAND

 

KINKY FEAT. MALA RODRIGUEZ

"NEGRO DIA"

ANOTHER BRICK IN THE WALL!!! U.U

"YOU KNOW" SAID THE CUB "I THANKED U.S. PEOPLE CAUSE THEY WERE WATCHING MY BLOG WITH MY ARTWORK TEN TIMES MORE THAN CHILEAN PEOPLE. AND I MADE CLEAR I'TS BEEN A WHILE SINCE I GOT CHILE WAS NOT MY AUDIENCE... AS ARTIST"

"YES, WE KNOW THAT... SO WHAT'S THE MATTER???" I ASKED

"WELL. SINCE I POSTED THAT, FIVE MORE PEOPLE FROM CHILE GOT INTO MY BLOG. I THING TO TRY TO FIGURE OUT IF WHAT I DO IS ART. OR MAYBE TO TRY TO DEMONSTRATE THEY VALUE ART, WHAT IS NOT TRUE. OR TRYING TO COMPETE WITH THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. ALL AND ALL, IT'S JUST... I DON'T LIKE THAT"

"WHY? CAN I KNOW???" I SAID...

"IT'S INSULTING. I POSTED THAT POST TO THE STATES THANKING THE STATES. AND NOW CHILEANS ARE INTERESTED IN MY ART ALL OF A SUDDEN??? THEY HAD TO BE TOLD PEOPLE OF THE STATES LIKE MY ART TO FIND IT COOL??? I DON'T THINK SO! IT'S LIKE: FRIENDS OF CHILE... WHO ARE YOU KIDDING?"

"YOU WRITE TOO"... I SAID EYES UP---

"YEAH, FOUR BOOKS SO FAR. AND WHAT CHILEANS EDITORIALS SAY AFTER A YEAR??? """YOUR WORK IS COOL BUT NOTHING TO DO WITH WHAT WE'RE PUBLISHING RIGHT NOW""" I KNOW THAT!!! THEY CANNOT TAKE THE RISK BUT THEY GO AND PUBLISH THE GODDAMNED JULITO CABELLO!!!"

"WELL, LOOK, WE WENT TO THE MUSEUM OF FIND ARTS THE OTHER DAY... AND, KNOW WHAT? I SAW ALL THE PICTURES OF CHILEAN ARTISTS THAT WERE THERE EXPOSED IN THE CHILEAN ART TIME HISTORY... WERE MADE IN FRANCE"

"I KNOW, IT'S LIKE, IF CHILEANS WOULD BE INTERESTED IN MY WORK, AT LEAST IT HAD TO BE BORING, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN??? SO NOW THEY'RE MAKING A LAME EFFORT TO DEMONSTRATE THEY LIKE IT??? C'MON. THEY'RE LYING TO THEMSELVES!!!"

"SUGAR, WHY YOU ARE SAYING ALL THIS STUFF???" I ASKED BUGGED.

"CAUSE IT HURTS. LIKE HELL."

"AH. YOU'LL CRY NOW"

"OF COURSE NOT!"

"C'MON, I'LL BUY YOU A STARBUCKS HAZELNUT SKINYY LATTE, LARGEST SIZE WITH SPLENDA, YOU'LL FEEL BETTER"

"ALRIGHT" SAID THE CUB.

ALL AND ALL. ANOTHER BRICK IN THE WALL.

WE FOUND A HOSTEL!!!! CREEPY!!!

SO WE WERE WALKING DOWN THE STREET AND MY BOYFRIEND SAYS...

"LOOK, THERE'S A HOSTEL OVER THERE!!!"

"A WHAT?" I SAID WITH FEAR.

"C'MON" SAID THE CUB " THIS IS NOT SLOVAQUIA, THIS IS NOT """ THE HOSTEL """, BESIDES THAT'S A MOVIE " -.-' "NOT REAL, IT'S TOO FANTASTIC TO BELIEVE IS REAL, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?"

"WHATEVER IT GIVES ME THE CREEPS!!!" I SHOUTED.

"C'MON, DON'T BE SCARY"

SAID THE CUB, AND ENTERED THE HOSTEL BEFORE I COULD HOLD HIM.
HE GOT OUT AND SAID

"IT'S LIKE U$ 10 TO $20 THE NIGHT AND I DON'T REMEMBER WHAT ELSE I WAS TOLD"

"YOU DONT!!!" I SAID ALL SCARED.

"DON'T WORRY, I CAME BACK IN ONE PIECE"

"YEAH, YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS KIND OF THINGS >_<" I SAID.

"BUT YOU KNOW? THERE WAS A SURGEON INSIDE. THE ONE WHO WORKS WITH DEAD PEOPLE. LIKE IN CSI, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN" SAID MR STUD WITH AN IRRESISTIBLE SMILE IN HIS FACE.

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAT... THE HEL???!!!"

"WELL HE GAVE ME HIS CARD FOR IF I NEEDED A CORPSE TO BE RIP OPEN IN NAME OF SCIENCE"

"ALRIGHT!!! CUB!!! THATS BEYOND ENOUG!!!"

"YOU KNOW I'M JOKING?"

"YOU BEAR CUB OF HELL!!!"

"WHEN YOU GET ANGRY YOU LOOK SOOOO GOOOD" HE SAID WITH AN """ I DID NOTHING BAD""" FACE.

"YOU..."

"ME WHAT? RECOGNIZE IT. IT WAS A VERY GOOD JOKE I MADE"

I LOOKED AT HIM AND HIS INNOCENT FACE, LIKE HE DID NOT A NAUGHY THING.

"YOU SHOULD OBEY WHEN I COMMAND" I SAID.

"I KNOW THAT"

AND WE LAUGHED.
HOW AM I TO GET ANGRY WITH THAT TENDER SMILE AND ATTITUDE???

I LOVE THE GUY.

MY BOYFRIEND WANTS A NEW PIJAMA!!!

SO I'M WORRIED ABOUT THIS. MY BOYFRIEND GOES LIKE...

"I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU LOOK HOTTER. NAKED OR WITH BOXERS AND T-SHIRT UNDERWEAR, ALL WHITE BY CALVIN KLEIN..."

SO WHAT DOES HE MEAN BY THAT??? I HAVE SOME THEORIES BUT NO CLUE O.o

"CAUSE YOU SOMETIMES LIKE TO SLEEP NAKED BUT SOMETIMES SLEEP WITH CALVIN KLEIN UNDERWEAR..." HE CONTINUED.

"I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHERE THIS CONVERSATION IS GOING????"

"WELL, WHEN YOU'RE NAKED IS WARM AND COMFORTABLE, BUT SO AWKWARD :S !!! AND WITH CALVIN KLEIN UNDERWEAR YOU LOOK  LIKE A HUGE CK POSTER IN NY"

"STILL DON'T GET IT???"

"I WAS THINKING... WHY IF I CHANGE MY PIJAMA AND WE SEE... SOME CHANGES"

"WHAT KIND OF CHANGES" o.O ??? I SAID AS THE CUB GOT CLOSER TO ME AND I BEGAN GETTIN NERVVVVOOOOUSSS...!!!

"WELL" HE SAID PUTTIN HIS HEAD OVER MY CHEST AND MAKING ME WALK BACKWARDS TO THE WALL. THEN HE LOOKED AT ME AND PUT HIS HAND ON THE WALL OVER MY SHOULDER.

SHIT!!!!!

I'M SCREWED!!!!!!!

"I WAS THINKING" SAID THE CUB FROWNING "THAT I SHOULD HAVE A NEW PIJAMA"

"LIKE WWWHAT????"

"SOMETHING WITH MORE FREEDOM OF MOVEMENT... YOU KNOOOW WHAT I MEEEEAAAN???"

"NNNOPE"

HELP!!!

"I WANT TO WEAR THE NEW BRAD PITT'S PIJAMA"

SO HE WILL GO FIGHT WITH ANGELINA JOLIE TO GET IT??? I DON'T THINK SO?

"YOU EXPLAIN, SUGAR?" I SAID.

"CHANEL Nª5, DUMBASS!!! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING???"

"AH, THAT" I SAID.

THIS GUY!!!
O.o

GIRLS DON'T LIKE MEN????

"SO I'M YOUR FIRST BOYFRIEND" I SAID RISING MY DIET COKE AND DRINKING.

"YES SAID THE CUB" AND SIPPED HIS DIET COKE.

"I DON'T UNDERSTAND..."

"MAYBE... " SAID THE CUB "IT'S NOT ONLY MY FAULT. THAT I'M GOOD LOOKING AND ALL THE OTHER REASONS THAT MAKE ME COOL. I MEAN, IT'S TRUE NORMALLY MEN MELT INTO SWEAT OR POOP IF I TRY TO TALK TO THEM, BUT... YOU KNOW? NO CHILEAN MAN IS GOOD ENOUGH BOYFRIEND MATERIAL... AND AS YOU ARE AUSSIE..." HE SAID, EYES UP, DRINK COKE.

"YOU COULD'VE HAD A GIRLFRIEND..."

"YES" SAID MR STUD "IN MY PERCEPTION WOMEN TAKE INICIATIVE IN CHILE. OTHER PEOPLE THINK OTHERWISE. THAT'S WHY I SAY IT'S MY PERCEPTION. BUT... I'VE BEEN THERE, I DID NOT WANT A LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP WITH A GIRL CAUSE THERE IS LESS OR NONE COMPATIBILITY... I THINK"

"WHAT????" I SHAKED MY HEAD.

"WELL. LOOK. AS I SEE IT, GIRLS DON'T LIKE MEN. THAT'S WHY THEY WANT TO CHANGE US INTO SOMETHING ELSE. THE MORE STABLE THE STATUS OF THE RELATIONSHIP, THE MORE THEIR SUBCONSCIOUS MIND TELLS THEM THEY HAVE POWER OVER US AND THEY HAVE TO MAKE US BE SOMETHING ELSE..."

"NO, NOW I DON'T GET IT"

"LOOK" CONINUED THE MR BEAR CUB WITH HIS THEORY "WOMEN ALL THE TIME SAY MEN ARE LIKE THE ASS... RIGHT? BUT THEIR REASONS ARE BASED IN THEIR PERCEPTION, SO WE, MEN DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT, AS THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND US. SINCE WONDER WOMAN APPEARED THIS SITUATION BECAME BOLDER..."

"HOW'S THAT... ??? EXPLAIN MORE, PLEASE?"

"WELL. I'L NEED A PAPER".

SO MY BOYFRIEND TOOK A PIECE OF PAPER AND WROTE DOWN THIS:

SENTENCES GIRLS SAY 'CAUSE THEY DON'T LIKE MEN AND WANT TO TURN THEM INTO SOMETHING ELSE

· STOP SMOKING.
· DON'T DRINK FROM THE BOTTLE.
· PUT DOWN THE WC COVER.
· STOP WATCHING SOCCER
· STOP VISITING FRIENDS
· YOU WILL BASE YOUR DIET IN TOFU
· THROW THE PAPERS IN THE WASTEBASKETS
· MAKE YOUR BED
· LISTEN TO ME
· YOU DON'T LISTEN TO ME? LISTEN TO ME
· LISTEN TO ME. YOU DON'T LOVE ME?
· DON'T DRINK BEER
· STOP SAYING UGLY WORDS.
· DON'T YA TALK'IN SLANG YA?
· STOP WATCHING PORN. OR WE ARE OVER.
· YOU CAN'T GUESS WHAT I'M THINKING?
· YOU HAVE NO FEELINGS?
· WHY YOU HAVE TO SEE YOUR MOTHER?
· I'M NOT WORTHY ENOUGH?
· WHY YOU MAKE ORDER? DISORDER!!!
· THAT'S AN EMPTY SPACE. FILL IT UP WITH EVERYTHING YOU CAN!!!
· YOU GOT A PHONE CALL? WHO CALLED? YOU'RE CHEATING ON ME?
· GIVE ME YOUR E-MAIL PASSWORDSSSS.
· WHO'S THIS GIRL THAT IS YOUR "FRIEND IN FACEBOOK"? BLOCK HER. I COMMAND.
· YOU WATCH TV, YOU DON'T LISTEN, YOU LOVE MORE THE TV?
· I'M UGLY? I'M NOT UGLY? I'M UGLY? YOU THINK I'M UGLY??? LISTEN TO ME!!!
· YOU SHALL DO WHAT I COMMAND. OR WE ARE OVER.
· WHY YOU DO WHAT I SAY? YOU'RE A WUSS? YOU'VE GOT NO COURAGE? YOU'RE A WUSS???

"WELL... " SAID THE CUB "GUESS WITH THAT IS ENOUGH..."

"YOU DISCOVERED THE THEORY OF RELATIVITY BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN!!!"

WE LAUGHED.
BUT HE'S RIGHT. WE DON'T TRY TO CHANGE EACH OTHER. WE LOVE EACH OTHER FOR WHAT WE ARE. OUR LOVE IT'S NOT BLIND, IT'S TOLERANT.

ANYWAY.

WHY I WROTE THIS? WHO AM I? THAT'S A LITTLE SECRET I'LL NEVER TELL...
YOU KNOW YOU LOVE ME.
XOXO.
GOSSIP BOY.

MY BOYFRIEND HAD A GIRLFRIEND IN KINDERGARDEN!!!

SO WE WERE WATCHING CARTOON NETWORK AND I LOOKED AT THE STUD BY MY SIDE. THE WAY HE MOVES, TAKES OUT HIS CLOTHES, THAT PERFECT NAUGHTY SMILE HOW COOL HE LOOKS NOW HE WEARS EARRINGS, HIS PERFECT STYLE.

THE GUY IS

HOT AND GOOD LOOKING

SO I WONDERED AND ASKED

"SO IT'S TRUE I'M YOUR FIRST BOYFRIEND???"

"YES" SAID THE CUB. "WHY?" HE FROWNED.

"IT'S JUST YOU LOOK SO GOOD I DON'T BELIEVE IT"

THE CUB STOOD STILL THINKING AND SAID
"YOU COULD WRITE POETRY"

???

"I DON'T GET IT" I SAID.

"I DON'T EITHER... WISH I COULD" HE SAID. AND THEN HE SHOOK HIS HEAD "OR MAYBE I WISH NOT"

"YOU WERE NOT VIRGIN WHEN WE MET" I SAID "YOU KNOW" I NODDED "I KNOW WHAT YOU DO IN ---PRIVATE---"

"AH" HE SAID ROLLING HIS EYES "I HAD FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS, SOME SHEEPS AND SHORT THINGS"

"THAT'S ALL??? YOU'RE NOT LYING TO ME?"

"NO. WHY WOULD I...???" HE SAID BUGGED. BUT THEN HE SMILED HAPPILY. AND HE JUST SAID THIS, READ WITH ATTENTION...

"""I HAD A GIRLFRIEND IN KINDERGARDEN"""

O.O !
WHAAAAAAT THE HEEEEELL???!!!

"YYYYEEEAAAH???" I SAID TRYING NOT TO FALL FROM THE COUCH.

"YES. YOU KNOW MY MOM KINDA FROM TIME TO TIME REMINDS ME OF THAT, GUESS SHE THINKS WE COULD... """BE BACK""" OR SOMETHING. BUT I BROKE UP WITH HER FOR A LOT OF REASONS" AND HE ADDED "AND I HAD NOT STUDIED ART BY THEN SO I DON'T KNOW HOW IS HER GOOD LOOKING STATUS RIGHT NOW.

AND

I LOVE YOU"""

O.o
TT_TT

"GUESS YOU COULD WRITE POETRY TOO" I SAID HAPPILY SMILING. DID HE SEE MY EYES WENT... BRILLIANT??? o.O

"I DO WRITE POETRY, YOU KNOW THAT. AND ANTI-POETRY... GUESS AS A NEO-POP ARTIST I CANNOT HELP IT".

I KISSED HIS NECK. AND THEN WE MADE OUT.

THEY'RE WATCHING YOU MIKE!!!!

SO I WOKE UP AND HIT MY HEAD WITH THE BED TABLE.
I WATCHED THE CLOCK.
IT WAS EARLY.

AND AN AFROAMERICAN GUY WAS INSIDE MY BEDROOM!!!

"THEY'RE WATCHING YOU MIKE" HE SAID.

"SO WHAT'S YOUR NAME?" I ASKED SHAKING MY HEAD.

"MY NAME IS MORFEUS"

"AH, WELL, NOW I GET IT" I SAID AND "DON'T WANT ANY PILLS"

"THEY'RE WATCHING YOU"

"WHO?"

"THE BIG BROTHER"

"AH... C'MON!"

"IT'S THE INTERNET MICHAEL" SAID THE GUY.

"YOU MEAN MY BANK ACCOUNT? IT'S IN SWITZERLAND!!!" I LIED.

"NO, MIKE. WHAT YOU WRITE IN YOUR BLOG IS A PROJECTION OF YOUR DIGITAL SELF"

"YOU'RE KIDDING?"

"IF YOU SEE AN AGENT... RUN"

AND HE WAS CARRYING AN OLD FASHIONED PHONE, THE PHONE RANG, HE ANSWERED, AND THEN DISSAPPEARED.


----------------------------------------------

I TOLD ALL THIS TO MY BOYFRIEND. WHAT HE SAID?

"SO YOU WERE IN YOUR ROOM ALONE WITH AN AFROAMERICAN???!!! X( "

O.o
GLUP
I'M IN TROUBLE

WE HAVE FAIRY GODPARENTS!!!

SO WE WERE IN A PARK AND THE CUB WAS SMOKING. ALL EYES OVER HIM. I LIKE THAT MORE THAN I DISLIKE IT...

AND ALL OF A SUDDEN... WE SAW A LIGHT FROM UP SKY.

"YOU THINK IT'S A FOO FIGHTER?" SAID THE CUB.

"NO... WHAT?"

"AN UFO, MIKE..."

THE LIGHT FELL OVER US AND WE WERE SURROUNDED BY LIGHT AND WE STARTED SHINING.

WHAT THE HELL????!!! O.o

AND SUDDENLY TWO HOT GUYS WERE IN FRONT OF US.

"WE ARE YOUR FAIRY GODFATHERS"

THEY WERE DRESSED IN VERSACE CLOTHES.

"WHAT?" I SAID.

"BUT WE ARE VAMPIRES!!!" SAID MY CUB CONFUSED.

"WELL I'M CALLED SUNSHINE AND I'M THE CUB FAIRY GODFATHER", SAID ONE OF THE GUYS.

SOUNDS LIKE A FAIRY NAME TO ME.

"AND I AM SILVER LINING, THE FAIRY GODFATHER OF MIKE"

WE LOOKED AT EACH OTHER, HEADS CHAKING.

"I THINK MY FAIRY GODFATHER IS HOTTER THAN YOURS, MIKE..." SAID THE CUB ALL OF A SUDDEN.

"WANNA DO HIM -_- ?" I ASKED.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO" HE SAID.

"SO WHAT YOU'RE HERE FOR???" I TOLD THE GODFATHERS.

"TO TELL YOU YOU'RE NOT ONLY VAMPIRES. THERE'S NOT ONLY DARK INSIDE YOU, BUT LIGHT" SAID SUNSHINE.

"WE ALREADY KNOW THAT?" SAID THE CUB.

"YY--EEEAH..." I SAID.

"BUT NOW YOU KNOW WHY. YOU ARE FAIRY-VAMPS" SAID SILVER LININGS.

"WELL THAT WOULD EXPLAIN SO MUCH" SAID MY STUD.

"AND WE ARE ALWAYS NEAR YOU TO PROTECT YOU" SAID SUNSHINE.

"YEAH..." SAID MY BOYFRIEND WITH SARCASM.

"THAT WOULD EXPLAIN WHY YOU LET SECOND IMPACT HAPPEN" I ADDED.

"MICHAEL... LER---------KOFF. WOULD YOU SHUT UP ABOUY THE FUCKING SECOND IMPACT???!!!!"

"NO" I ANSWERED.

"YOU HAVE THE POWER OF LIGHT" SAID SILVER LININGS. "AND YOU CAN USE IT FOR A LOT OF VERY GOOD PURPOSES"

"YES??? O.o" I ASKED SURPRISED.

"OH YES." SAID THE CUB COVERING MY MOUTH WITH HIS HAND. I HHHHHHATE WHEN HE DOES THAT. BUT HE KNOWS I HATE THAT, AND HE DOES IT... IT MUST BE FOR A REASON... "WE UNDERSTAND" SAID THE STUD.

"WE ARE HAPPY YOU UNDERSTAND" SAID SUNSHINE.

WHAT THE HELL WAS THE FIRE OF MY LOINS DOING????

"WE HOPE WE SEE YOU AGAIN SOON" LIED THE CUB.

"YES, WE HAVE TO GO NOW, BUT REMEMBER" SAID SILVER LININGS.

"WE ARE ALWAYS AT YOUR SIDE" ADDED SUNSHINE.

AND WITH ANOTHER RAY OF LIGHT, THEY DISSAPEARED.

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?

"MIKE, SO WE ARE NOT ONLY VAMPIRES" SAID MISTER CUB SMILING "WE HAVE NOT ONLY VAMPIRE ABILITIES. THINK ABOUT IT. WE HAVE FAIRY POWERS TOO. AWESOME!!!"

"I DON'T SEE THE SILVER LINING HERE, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN???"

"AS WE USE AND MISUSE OUR VAMPIRE ABILITIES... WE CAN USE AND MISUSE OUR FAIRY ABILITIES TOO!!! IT'S GREAT!!! IS'NT IT???!!! JUST THINK ABOUT IT"

I STAID STILL FOR A WHILE AND... YES!!! MY STUD WAS RIGHT!!!
GUESS HE GOT A LIIIIIIIIIIITTLE BRAINWASHED WHEN HE READ TOM SAWYER.

I LOVE HIM.
XD

IT WAS TRUE!!!! MY BOYFRIEND IS JEALOUS!!!!

SO WE WERE WALKING DOWN THE STREET AND...

A GIRL PASSED BY.

SO WE BOTH LOOKED AT HER ASS.

SO LOST IN HER... CURVES SUDDENLY I SAID O.o ----SHIT

"DAT AWESOME ASS"

"EXCUSE ME MISTER LERKOFF, WHAT DID YOU SAY" SAID MY BOYFRIEND WITH A SCARY SWEET SMILE.

"I SAID THAT..."

"SO YOU'LL REPEAT WHAT YOU JUST SAID" HANDS CROSSED

WHAT THE HELL???

"YOU SAW THE GIRL'S ASS TOO" I SAID TRYING TO EXPLAIN.

"BUT I SAID NO WORD..." SAID THE CUB IN A SINGING TONE THAT GAVE ME THE...

-------------CREEEEPS

THE BEAR CUB STANDED STILL IN FRONT OF ME, PUT HIS HANDS OVER MY CHEST AND THREATENLY PUSHED ME BACK A LITTLE. WELL HE IS STRONG.

AND I THOUGHT...

I'M SCREWED!!!!!!!

"SO TELL ME. WHO HAS A BETTER ASS. THAT GIRL OR... ME???" ASKED THE CUB WITH COLD EYES.

AND I GOT IT. HE WAS JEALOUS!!! FINALLY!!! I COULD SEE IT... HELL YEAH!!!

"YOURS" I SAID WITH A LOT OF FEAR.

"SAY IT AGAIN" INSISTED THE FIRE OF MY LOINS "WHO HAS A BETTER ASS. THAT GIRL OR ME???" TAKING ME BY THE SHIRT AND SHAKING ME BACK AND FORTH.

WELL. WHEN HE KINDA NEVER REPEATS WHAT HE SAYS. SO I KNOW WHEN HE SAYS THE SAME THING TWICE, SOMETHING'S WRONG. WHEN HE SAYS THE SAME THING, SAME WORDS, THREE TIMES MEANS...

I'M IN TROUBLE

"YOUR ASS IS BETTER THAN HERS, PLEASE, SUGAR. DON'T SAY IT THREE TIMES" I SAID SMILING OUT OF JOY.

"WHAT'S SO FUNNY?" SAID THE CUB SHAKING HIS HEAD. I COULD SEE IT AND FEEL IT. THE THRILL. THE FEAR. THE ANGER IN HIS VOICE, THE WRATH IN HIS EYES.

AWEEEEEEEEEESOOOOOOOOOOOME!!!

"YOU ARE NOW JEALOUS?"

"I'M NOT NOW JEALOUS, HONEYBUNNY. I AM ALWAYS JEALOUS. I AM JEALOUS. GUESS I'VE TOLD YOU THAT, 1000 TIMES" SAID THE CUB IN COLD SWEET ANGER.

"YEAH, BUT I HAD NOT THE OPPORTUNITY TO... ---SEE--- IT"

"YOU AND YOUR FUCKING OBSESSION WITH THE VISUAL CONFIRMATION!!!"

"WELL, WHAT EYES DON'T SEE..." I SAID NERVOUSLY.

"I HATE THAT. WHY WOULD I LIE TO YOU!!!"

"CAUSE YOU LIE"

"YOU TOO... I WOULDN'T LIE ABOUT IT"

"YES HONEY, NOW I KNOW. SO WHY YOU DIDN' MAKE A PERFORMANCE LIKE THIS BEFORE?" I ASKED HAPPYLY SMILING.

"BECAUSE..." THE CUB KEPT SILENT FOR A WHILE AND BECAME AS CALM AS BUDHA AGAIN. "'BECAUSE YOU WERE WATCHING THE TRAILER, MIKE, NOT THE MOVIE"

"YES?" I SAID. NOW I WAS ANGRY "YOU BEAR CUB OF THE HELL! I WANT TO HEAR THE THING ABOUT THE TRAILER NO MORE! IT'S AN ORDER! I HAVE SPOKEN!!!"

"WELL THEN. DON'T MAKE ME SAY IT" SAID THE CUB HAPPILY SMILING.

"HUM"

"ANYWAY. YOU COME WITH ME?" HE SAID "I NEED TO BUY A GLASS. THE MORE EXPENSIVE THE BETTER"

"WHAT? WHY? WHAT DID YOU?" I MOVED MY EYES TO THE SKY HOPING TO RECEIVE INTERIOR PEACE. "WHAT DO YOU NEED A GLASS FOR? AND EXPENSIVE?"

"TO MAKE IT PIECES. I'M STILL ANGRY AND JEALOUS. SO I NEED TO DESTROY SOMETHING"

"LIKE YOU DID WITH YOUR NINTENDO WII???"

"YYY--EAAH. SOMETHING LIKE IT. AND DON'T SAY NINTENDO, PU-LEEEASEE???"

SO HE IS JEALOUS. TERRIBLY. HOW DID I NOT BELIEVE HIM WHEN HE TOLD ME SO MANY TIMES.

I'M CLUELES O.o

"FANGTASIA" SECRET MEANING!!!

FANGTASIA:

WORLDWIDE DEFINITION

"A LOT OF PLACES"