AN OLD UGLY FAT BEAR TRIED TO TALK TO MY BOYFRIEND!!!!

"YOU KNOW???" SAID THE DREAM OF MY DREAMS, FIRE OF MY LOINS, MY LOVE, MY SIN... "AN UGLY OLD BEAR MADE A LAME EFFORT TO TRY TO SPEAK TO ME... I'M CLUELESS... WELL IT WAS SOOOO LAME, I'M SURE THAT WAS """HIS""" BEST EFFORT"

"WHAT YOU DID 'BOUT IT???" I ASKED CURIOUS.

"IGNORE HIM. HE WAS OLD UGLY FAT CLUMSY STUPID LAME, HUMAN... NO THANKS!"

"SO ALL PEOPLE HAVE TO BE: MUTANT, FAIRY OR VAMPS FOR YOU TO CONSIDER IR?????"

"KINDA... BUT... NOT NECESARILLY. BUT LAME. NO"

"SO WHAT HE SAID"

"WELL THERE WAS AN OLD WOMAN TOO, I THINK SHE HAD HIS AGE... STONE AGE IN THIS CASE... YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN??? SO THE GUY WAS TALKING TO ME, BUT MOVING HIS BODY TOWARDS THE OLD WOMAN..."

"WHAT IF HE WAS NERVOUS...????"

"HE WAS... OBVIOUSLY. BUT THAT HE DID WAS LAME AND THEN HE BECAME LAMER AND THEN LAMEST. PLUS I CAN TELL BY HIS LOOK HE THOUGHT I WAS A... I WAS A... I WAS A... OH... I'M DIZZY!"

"A BOTTOM..."

"DON'T SAY THAT WORD!!! HE CLEARLY DID NOT SEE MY BODY MASS, NOR MY OVER DEVELOPED CHARACTER... GUESS HE WAS ONLY THINKING IN HIS..."

"DICK...?"

WELL THIS IS THE AWKWARD MOMENT EVERYONE WONDERS HOW TWO TOP MEN DO IT. WELL: HERE THE ANSWER: WE'RE IN LOVE!!!!

"HE SAID AT ONE MOMENT HI WAS DOCTOR IN ---ARCHITECTURE???--- LIKE IT WAS A COOL THING TO SAY. PLUS HE WAS SMOKING ONE OF THOSE HUGE CIGARS FROM CUBA, THE BROWN ONES... I HAD TO MAKE A GREAT EFFORT TO NOT PLAINLY PUKE!"

"AND...?" I ASKED.

"HE WAS MID-BALD, UGLY.... AND ALL THAT I ALREADY SAID, PLUS STUPID AND HAD NO BUTT... AND AN ---I WANT TO BE KINKY--- LOOK IN HIS EYES. GUESS HE HAD THE LOTTERY ACCUMULATED"

"WHY YOU'RE TELLING ME THIS"

"BECAUSE TT_TT ... I NEED A HUG!!!"

"ALRIGHT!"

WHY HE TOLD ME THIS? WHY I WROTE IT? WHO AM I?
THAT'S A LITTLE SECRET I'LL NEVER TELL.
YOU KNOW YOU LOVE ME.
XOXO.
GOSSIP BOY.