"SO A CAT APPEARED IN THE FRONT OF MY HOUSE SEEKING FOR FOOD"
"WHY YOU'RE TELLING ME THIS???"
"WELL, MIKE. I THOUGHT: CATS CAN FIND THEIR OWN FOOD, SO I DID NOTHING. BUT IN ANOTHER OCASSION I SAW THE CAT EATING GRASS. AND WHEN CATS OR DOGS EAT GRASS, IT'S CAUSE THEY REALLY NEED FOOD"
"??? KEEP TALKING..."
"WELL IT LOOKS LIKE A MEDIUM SIZE CAT BUT IT'S CLEARLY IN DEVELOPPEMENT, SO IT'S NOT ADULT. SO I STARTED FEEDING IT. SO I GIVE IT NO FAT MILK AND MY PET'S FOOD. I TRIED WITH THAT THE FIRST TIME, AND I THOUGH THAT IF THE CAT WOULD COME FOR MORE FOOD, FEEDING IT WITH THAT WOULD BE OK"
"YEAH YOU DRINK NO FAT MILK..."
"...CAUSE FULL FAT MILK MAKES ME FEEL DIZZY"
"HOW'S YOUR PERFORMANCE WITH YOUR PARENTS???"
"SO GOOD THEY THINK IT'S REAL. THEY ARE BECOMING AS NICE AS THEY WERE IN JURASSIC TIMES. I GUESS I WILL TALK TO THEM THROUGH SKYPE, ANYWAY..."
"CAN YOU EXPLAIN ME WHY THEY BECAME SO UNBEARABLE WITH YOU???"
"YEAH. MY GRONDMOTHER FROM MY FATHER'S SIDE HAS A FAKE BOURGEOIS MORAL OF THE 19TH CENTURY. ALL MODERN ARTISTS MADE THAT SHIT PIECES. BUT SHE GOT STUCK IN THAT SHIT. SO AS I AM A CONTEMPORARY ARTIST, SHE ALWAYS HAS TRIED TO CONVINCE ME TO CHANGE MY BEHAVIOUR. YOU KNOW? MORE LIKE SHE IS A MEMBER OF THE SINCLAIR FAMILY IN DEMIAN, KINDA THAT. I'VE NEVER BEHAVED THAT OLD-FASHIONED WAY SO SHE HAS THE NEED TO PUT ME UNDER CONTROL. FOR EXAMPLE WHEN WE WERE KIDS SHE USED TO GIVE US, THE THREE BROTHERS, THE SAME THINGS, TO MAKE US THINK WE WERE ALL THE SAME, AND SHOULD BE STANDARIZED. BUT PEOPLE ARE JUST NOT THE SAME"
"SO YOU LEARNED HOW TO HANDLE WITH THAT"
·"YEP. BUT NOW I'M NOT A FIVE-YEAR OLDER, AND SHE SEEM NOT TO BE AWARE OF THAT, PLUS SHE'S NOT MY MOM"
"SO"
"SHE CAME MY HOME FOR A WEEKEND AND STAYED, THE FIRST DAY, MY MOM TOOK HER PRESSURE, AS SHE HAS HIGH PRESSURE AND TAKES MEDICINES FOR THAT. MY GRANDMA WAS THERE LOOKING AND LISTENING AND ALL AND I GOT MY PRESSURE TAKEN, JUST TO KNOW, AND IT WAS SO NORMAL, THAT WAS NEARLY LOW. AGAIN. MY GRANDMA HEARD AND SAW THAT"
"AND THEN???"
"ANYTIME WE ATE AND I PUT SALT TO MY DISH SHE TOLD ME "DON'T PUT SO MUCH SALT!!!", AND I WAS LIKE... WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT? SO I JUST WOULDN'T LISTEN AND SHE SAID AGAIN "DON'T PUT SALT!!!". AS MY GRANDMA HAS HIGH PRESSURE AND PUTS A KILOGRAM OF SALT TO ALL HER DISHES, AND THE SALT WE HAVE AT HOME HAS 50% LESS SODIUM, AND, AGAIN, SHE WAS AWARE MY PRESSURE WAS MORE THAN VERY GOOD, THAT BOTHERED ME FROM THE FIRST TIME"
"AND THEN AND THEN?"
"SHE DID THE SAME THING ALL WEEKEND, BUT AT THE SUNDAY LUNCH I TOLD HER "STOP BOTHERING ME!!!". AND SHE LEFT TO A ROOM AND CRIED AND MADE THE SHOW AND ALL AND WAS SAYING I WAS A BAD KID (I'M ADULT? SHE'S NOT MY MOM?) AND THAT I NEEDED ORIENTATION AND DISCIPLINE AND AT THE END HER SHOW WAS SO CONVINCING, MY PARENTS BELIEVED I WAS THE VILLAIN OF THE MOVIE AND DID NOT TALK TO ME FOR 3 DAYS. THAT HAPPENNED"
"AND WHEN YOU SAW THE TRUTH???"
"I OVERHEARD A CONVERSATION OF MY GRANDMA, AND SHE WAS TALKING LIKE I WAS IN JAIL!!! SHE WENT TOO FAR SO I THOUGHT SHE WOULD PLAN ANOTHER SHOW WITH THE HELP OF MY BROTHER (WHO SHE THINKS IS THE BEST EXAMPLE OF GOOD MORAL AND BEHAVIOUR IN THE WORLD, EVEN THOUGH SHE HAS SEEN EVIDENCE THAT PROOVES THAT'S NOT TRUE), FOR THE FATALITY DAY. WHAT DO YOU THINK???"
"STRANGE THAT, FAKE MORAL THING... WELL. AND IF WE TIE THEM BOTH FOR FATALITY DAY???"
"THAT COULD WORK, SO EVERYBODY WOULD THINK WE'RE DOING THE RIGHT THING"
CUB'S GRANDMA
